Holy hell you guys... it's been 4 years since a Cheers Honey post has been written and my brain cannot fully grasp where the time has gone, nor can I comprehend what has all happened between those calendar cycles. If we're into the long story short kind of thing.. The answer would be A LOT.
I'm in awe as I sit and reflect on what's all happened in those 4 short/long years. This page started as a way to keep in touch with one of my old friends Megan. Back when I decided to pick up my life and move to Wisconsin in 2019 (with a boy..) I want to pay a little tribute to Meg and the friendship we had in that time and place. She has now moved to Orlando and started her new life there. Again, this blog started as a way to keep in touch with our friendship, to share our love for craft beer, to write down all the stupid thoughts that came to our brains in our 10 years of friendship. So I raise a toast to that chapter in our life, Cheers Meg! XX <3
Now to internalize the past 4 years of my life.. I don't even know where to start. Funny enough, the last time I was writing up a blog post it was in the "comfort" of my old home with my ex boyfriend. Where I packed up my entire life and was ready to start what I thought was my forever. I don't know what all happened between then and now, but I have really been on a self discovery journey. I am now writing a blog post in the COMFORT of my own apartment and better yet, my own skin.
So, WELCOME!!!
This blog is going to be an inside look to my life and scary enough an extension to my journal. It may take a few swings to try and remember how to articulate my words in a sense that others can understand and or relate to. While in the same capacity realizing that I don't care if others can relate to my brain and or experiences. I hope if you gain anything from reading my posts, it's to see the strength in vulnerability, the beauty in living authentically to you, the ugliness in judgment, etc..
Here's a few (I'm not sure what you want to call them, but let's call them... topics for now, I guess) Topics, that have been puzzle pieces to this little story we like to call life. The quick overview of what my life has really entailed since last hearing from me.
Topics?
Oh I'm a lesbian now (but you nosey bitches knew that)
I had my first lesbian heartbreak.. This relationship ripped me to shreds. It surrounded my whole being and I honestly can say I didn't think I was going to come back from this one. I'm not going to dive too deep into this one yet, as I am navigating it through the power of therapy. A blessing from the breakup though is that it caused me to start therapy, and it's been one of my biggest lessons. If it wasn't her it would have been someone else, so I guess thank you T? Side-note: Nobody tells you how bad your first wlw breakup really is... (women loving women, for you non progressives)
THERAPY! Holy hell the amount of childhood trauma I have is CRAZYYY. I wish I would have started this journey years ago, but life really is all about divine timing. I started therapy back in June (2023 to be exact. for the archives one day) and found myself running through 6 different therapists. That was a journey in itself, but I have now found the one that fits my needs and really challenges me. Kara, I know you aren't reading this, but if you are THANK YOU!
Yoga (Namaste) Yoga has been the one constant in my life over the past year. Through breakups, circulating jobs, losing friends and more.. I will always have my mat and my practice. My grandma always says,"if I can give any advice about growing up, it's to start yoga early. It is the single best thing you can do for your body and mind."My grandma is a badass, so I would listen to her y'all! At the end of the month I will be starting my yoga journey to become an instructor. This is the first time in a very long time that I've been excited for future me. Having the opportunity to tap into mindfulness and the power of moving my body, while sharing it with others.
Sobriety? I'm not saying that I'm going sober forever, but I am choosing to practice sobriety for the longevity of my yoga training. From now until May, I will be living a sober lifestyle that allows me to really tap into oneself. I have had a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol (childhood trauma weird..) and also working in a bar the past 7 months I have seen the sadness and effect this poison has on others and their dreams. I have never really liked drinking, but have always abused it to not feel. Now that I am aware, I find a sense of inspiration and curiosity behind the hurt and problems I was drinking to forget.
THE WORD DATING.... I have fully taken this word out of my vocabulary. This word has been fabricated throughout the English language.. Am I dating? NO. I am currently in my self discovery, healing, learning to love myself and not being afraid to be in my alone Era(s tour) you heard that right.. My ass is a Swifty! I am not closed off to the idea of exploring connections with others though. But, I'm not out seeking someone because it's "easier" to be with someone than to be alone. I feel one really starts to learn through fear, and it doesn't always have to be scary or in a negative notion. This is where the real growth stems from. If someone's energy finds me and I feel they rejuvenate me vs. drain me, I will continue to explore that connection. But this is the first time in my life that I feel I am experiencing life for myself, and hell its empowering.
Again, this blog is really going to be an extension of my real life journal.. Well it's my digital journal, and you here, and are lucky to know and experience the real me. If you like it WELCOME again! If you are just here cause you are nosey and curious.. Me too girl!!!
I hope you all are out there experiencing life the way you've always envisioned. I know it's hard, scary, expensive, etc.. But once you work through all those restrictions, life really comes at you the way it was always intended to. If I was the same person I was 4 years ago, I would probably be dead.. and that's the ugly truth (GREAT MOVIE.. it was the first movie I bought on iTunes. You bet your ass I was watching it on my lime green iPod nano) I am so proud of the person I am fighting to become, it hasn't been easy.. but if it were, what's the fun in that? Could I have the white picket fence life that most of the midwest dreams about? yep.... Would I be happy? Would I have pushed hard enough to work through my triggers? Would I have found my favorite hobby? (tasting women) If that wasn't vanilla enough for you, you are in the wrong place honey!
This life is beautiful... the world on the other hand (fucking ugly with darkness and capitalism, but this isn't a politics page, so we won't go there) Finding the beauty from within, and contributing what I can to the world is where the beauty lives. Queerness.. Mindfulness. Awareness. Puzzling together (I was going to say THEE definition but) my definition of love (self love).
I'm just now scratching the surface of who I am becoming, and I hope you can all say the same. vs being comfortable. Being comfortable is the most debilitating illness this generation can catch. Theres a whole big life out there to discover! Get out, explore connections with strangers and within yourself. Book that solo trip, learn about others. Chop your hair. Dye it pink... Buy that vibrator.. (the satisfyer that is.. Trust me) We live on a floating rock and none of this really matters..
Vibrator link:
And with that being said...
I love you!
Cheers Honey,
Mika, Meeks, Flex (whatever you wanna call me) <3